The Queen speaks of love and BDSM

This was originally from a venting sort of series, but I've broken that series all apart. The series was about how love can look in BDSM, that indeed, even if it doesn't look like love to others, there is often love in BDSM, I'd begged The Queen to step up and give a cisgender male view on it; a transgender guy friend had taken part in the series, but no cis man.

I love you, all of you, every last bit of you.

At first glance with BDSM, it is all too easy to miss the loving care that a Dominant will lavish on a devoted submissive. Especially when the care isn't what we have been taught to expect.

Let me ruminate on Mearr, then Vala once she decided on the new name she wanted, to mark her new life, to place herself firmly in my life and push away her tortured past. Oh, that sick little female I brought home from that coffeehouse. Even then, holding her in my arms, I could not help but look down on her and feel my heart expand. Yeah, I am a sucker for a person who needs me. I so enjoyed imagining Ailee giving her that first bath, wishing I could have done it. However I did get to watch her relax as it became slowly obvious to her that she could trust me not to violate her. The first time we enjoyed having sex, the care of her fingers pulling the latex onto my cock, the way she felt as she came. Ah. I do not understand why more male dominants do not write erotica. Then as the days built into weeks into months as she got healthier, as I helped her move through the steps of her legal name change. Just to look up from my desk when I was busily at work and to see her smiling at me with a very similar, contented, doting love as Tommy. It almost startled me when I realized how deeply I had fallen in love with her. Then when she finally said those words to me. "I love you, my Queen" were the sweetest words to hear in her voice, although when she hesitantly pushed through just to say she thought she was falling in love with me.

Now despite what she'd seen in the loft of Simon, Tommy, and I interacting, the books I'd provided her, what she'd seen in life of BDSM, I knew it was going to be entirely different for Vala when she made the move from being in recovery at my loft to coming to my mansion, being collared, becoming my slave. Sure, I always saw what was in her- I was even half waiting for what happened between her and Raanan when I left them at home alone- but I knew she didn't. It took time, patience, and care on my part to help her find her strength. But how I love her strength. How I love seeing her pride in her body, both for her own sake and how it pleases Iona and I. Love at the loft, love at the mansion, love before and after collaring. Of course that first week after her collaring was so very difficult. While I was sure how important the security and the learning of sleeping on a bondage board would be for her, I fought with myself if her nightmares would overwhelm her; I do not remember when my nightmares finally lessened, but I am pretty sure it took both Tommy and Simon's bodies pressed against me as we slept before that happened. I wish there hadn't been so much upheaval that messed with where she slept, but Iona has definitely been good for her. I so enjoyed how Vala came to love the pain play, the subjugation, and how her eyes would glow with love in response. The catch of her breath when I would look into her eyes and tell her, "I love you, my baby girl."

So yes, the novels are "Vala's Story," but I want to talk about my other sweet slaves. I know many who are monogamists and cannot understand how polyamory works will look at all my slaves- just as people in intimate relationships, not even with the BDSM- and wonder how. Well I am here to say, yes I very much love all them. Certainly not in exactly the same way. Of course, there is sometimes an allowance for "time we have been together." I have not had as much time to build a loving relationship with Chitra (only three months mine when Vala's story starts) as Tommy (my gorgeous, lovable Tommy who I have known since that fateful day when we were thirteen, my slave for fifteen years now.) I think of Tommy's embrace, how it feels when our arms are wrapped around each other. Chitra's sweetness on the day her formal training period ended was so overwhelming. How great her love shown in her very being when I made love to her, enjoyed her body beneath mine. Of course love is not just about physical intimacy. I think on Simon especially in how he manages little and even big details. How he prepares every meal, decides what food will come into the mansion. The best though is his delight in pleasing me. I love watching the myriad of tiny changes to his posture when he prepares a new chocolate dessert and after I take the first taste, smiling with the simple pleasure of chocolate and how hard he worked to please me.

But, and this works in speaking of all my slaves, one thing I love above all is doing whatever each needs for aftercare, especially after a scene that triggered sub space. First it is beautiful to reach that point with each other, where everything is just so right. Whether it is tiny Iona I am talking about or my sturdy little cub Gaelan, I love that trusting, shaking submissive body against mine. Moments when eye contact is made and the totality of their love and submission is presented so innocently to me.

Yes, I love them all deeply. And I treasure their love. Whether that treasuring is shown with a new outfit, a meal, or a caning- after all, Tommy does love to be on the receiving end of those beautiful instruments of pains.