(Continuing from 12/24; this is part 2. It's still Audrey, Blaze, and I.)
I cling to Audrey as she scoots us a few inches closer to Blaze. “None of us are cis.”
“How does that make you feel?”
I lift my gaze to Blaze's face and then it drops to their hands. “Um. How should it make me feel? No. Curious. Interested. Good. Different. I'm a thesaurus.”
Audrey laughs at my last statement. “Now, now, little love. Are you forcing eye contact with Blaze that you find uncomfortable?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. They're responding like you or Amy would, not forcing me to maintain the contact longer than I'm comfortable with.” I press small kisses to Audrey's jaw and close my eyes. “I'm working on owning my feelings and remembering that most people aren't unsafe like my mother.” I swallow. I open my eyes. “Most people aren't unsafe like my mother.”
“That appears to be a good thing for you to affirm.” Blaze nods. “Parented differently?”
I giggle. “Good memory. Because even adults sometimes need their parents' support.” I look down at Blaze's hand on the couch. “Please hold my hand.”
Blaze's long fingers wrap around mine.
“Your hand makes mine look so tiny. I like it.” I brush my thumb across Blaze's palm. “I like you.”
“I like you too.” Blaze smiles at me. “Are you still good with talking?”
“Yeah, but thank you for asking. It's good to be reminded that you're open to communication other than just spoken.”
“I particularly enjoyed watching how you used various types of AAC in your Autistic love story, including during intimate moments.”
“Per, Audrey? Might I please lay across both your laps?” I breathe in deep to calm my rapid heartbeat.
“I would love that. Twelve isn't too old for cuddles, in my opinion.” Blaze squeezes my hand before releasing it.
I ponder movement and my body's potential placement. I scoot so my upper back an head are resting on Blaze's... Per's lap. My butt rests between my loved one and love-one-to-be. My legs rest in part over Audrey. I turn my knees so I can tuck my feet behind her back.
“And we have an adorable boy covered back up with his blanket.” Per tucks the blanket around my neck.
Per strokes my hair. “It appears that Audrey is having adult thoughts about an adult Joey.”
I glance at Audrey's eyes, those beautifully rich brown eyes, and see the haziness of which Per speaks.
“You know the adult Joey can consent to Audrey, if he wishes?”
“Consent?” I feel my eyebrows and forehead pull tight as if asking a WH-question in ASL.
“You can ask her what she wants and you can say yes or no.” Per leans forward to drop a small kiss on my forehead. “Of course a twelve-year-old can't legally consent in most of the US and I prefer to separate adult interactions from ageplay.”
“Separate how?” I feel Audrey's hand on my knee, but still above the blanket.
“It depends on the moment. Do you feel safe with part of you on my lap and part on Audrey's? Is that enough separation for you as well?” Per moves their arm so it supports the back of my head.
“Yes, Per.” I snuggle my face against Per's plaid-shirt covered belly.
Audrey caresses my knee until I look at her face. “Joey, I would like your verbal consent. To hear your sweet words. To hear you confirm that what I want is what you also want.”
I focus on my swallowing, the substantial being of Per with us, underneath me. “Yes or no? That's what I was missing when I was thirteen. No one had told me I had a choice.” I close my eyes to affirm Per's spoken truth inside me. “Audrey, had I told you yet--“
“Yes, I heard your thoughts, love.”
“Please help me find my masculine vulva and vagina. Please touch me in the ways you need to help me affirm that.” I look up at Per. “But Per, please help me put on a chest binder first.” I ease my legs from Audrey's lap and to the floor.
When I pause, Per says, “Look to the floor.”
I turn my head away from Per; a new black chest binder lays on the floor a few feet from us. “A new binder, Per?”
“Something my boy needs, right?” Per grins at me.
“Thanks, Per.” I struggle to sitting upright with Per's hand pushing on my back. My feet touch the floor as I look down to see Per's hands in the air beside my hips. “Yes, help, please, Per.”
Audrey looks at the screen narrating our actions. “So many commas, dear.”
I wrinkle my nose at Audrey before standing with Per's help. I pick up the binder and look into it. “Per! How'd you know my size?”
Audrey snorts. “I told them your size.”
“You've worn binders, right?” Per rests their hands on my shoulders.
“Yes, Per.” I turn the binder inside out and upside down before holding it out and stepping into it. As I tug it into place, I look up at Per's face.
“The compression feels good, doesn't it?” Per moves their shirt collar to show the strap of their own chest binder.
“Definitely!” I push my pecs into place under my binder. “Per, may I please hug you?”
“Sure.” Per holds their arms out wide and I barrel into the embrace, sighing when Per engulfs me in protective pressure. Their fingers press into my skin, but their hands are still.
I hum into their shirt, not quite trying to make words.
“Can I call you my boy?” Per continues to hold me.
I nod against their shirt.
“My boy, did you forget about Audrey?” At my gasp, Per asks, “May I carry you back to the couch?”
“Please.” I turn slightly in Per's embrace just before they position their arms behind my knees and back to lift me. I sniff. “Hmm, is that vertiver?”
“Yes.” I close my eyes and enjoy the movements. I cling to Per's neck as they relaxed down to the couch.
“You feel so good in my arms. Want help returning to your previous position?”
I nod. My stomach muscles clench under the longer, new binder. I've never worn a full length one. The back of my head again rests on Per's arm.
“Does it help that your tummy is covered? To consider your masculine vulva, that is?” Audrey traces her finger through my pubic hair, across the top edge of my vulva. “Does the fuzzy covering make you feel masculine?”
“Too many questions at once, love! I'm not sure what I think of the long binder. And I'm thinking your aroused expression and my interest are helping most with the idea of masculine vulva, my comfort with Per here.”
Audrey pushes lightly into my body. “Wonderfully pliable. I think of times I've gotten to watch you writhe as Shaman played with clothespins.”
“This is your first full length binder? I'll have to see about getting you some more then.” Per brushes their lips over my forehead.
Audrey brushes her fingers over the meeting of my outer labia. “So softly masculine. I'm always so drawn to your labia. You still like that word?”
I groan, huff a breath through my nose. My gaze meets Per's.
“That groan sounded like it could have been a yes. Was it?” Audrey moves her hand from my outer labia to the top of my thigh.
I lift my hand to sign YES.
Audrey tugs at my outer labia. “I think your inner labia might be the most masculine, the way they hang just beyond the outer lips.”
Per strokes my hair. “Still good, my boy?”
“Yes, Per, excellent.” I inhabit Middle and adult at the same time.
“Stroking your inner labia makes me feel so womanly. Do you prefer my fingertip or nail?”
“Your... your finger.” I cough. “But womanly?”
“Let your mind relax. I'm not saying that your body affirms or changes my gender identity. You affirm my feelings of womanliness.” Audrey continues to stroke my inner labia.
I whimper with the growling arousal that prompts my Skene's glands; how ever do I find such medical words arousing? “Mmm, yes.”
“Such strength in these gorgeous muscles.” Audrey traces her fingers around the opening of my vagina, dipping in shallowly in for my arousal. “And strength in your masculine vagina. It's so you, so wonderfully boyish. I love how your boy-pussy grips my fingers when you're coming.”
I brush my fingers over the bottom hem of my new binder. I look at Per's chin. “Yes is yes?”
“Yes.” Per chuckles.
Audrey slides two fingers into my vagina and starts to move them in scissor fashion. Her thumb presses against my bound clitorophallus. “Can you have a little orgasm for me, my sweet man?”
My butt rocks against the couch and Audrey's leg. “Like you so much, Per,” I mumble.
“I like you too, sweet Joey.” Per cups my cheek with one warm hand.
I close my eyes as the pleasure rockets through me, Audrey's suggestive question prepping my body alongside our chat. “Yes, yes, yes!” I focus on her fingers' movements inside me. I squeeze her fingers as my lips part in a long, long moan.
“That's my love.” Audrey presses down on my mons with her other hand, preventing me from pulling away from her touch. As my moan increases in pitch and volume, she slides a third finger into me.
I push up hard against her hands.
“That's right. You can feel all this pleasure as a consenting adult and I'll make us hot chocolate shortly.” Per kisses my nose.
“Yes!” I crash back down onto Audrey, no longer pressing against her hands. “Thanks, thanks, love.” I turn my head into Per's shirt. “Thanks for being here, my new Per.”
“You're welcome.” Per kisses my nose again. “Audrey, will you sure in the hot chocolate?”
“Most definitely.” Audrey kisses my mons.
And the first image from my friend suggesting a word: Nature
Nature. I started off intending to do an “autumn leaves changing colors” scene, but I went back to look for something at night. You see, I'm very sensitive to the sun and I just don't find much about nature scenes during the daytime at all pleasurable. I pondered setting this image to my wallpaper- after all, that's what it's meant for- but I have the ASL manual alphabet there for now.
Spring warmth made the nighttime walk enjoyably warm. Laney ran hir hands over a branch, feeling for the new buds ze couldn't see. “Thanks for coming out with me tonight.”
Together, Tara and Sarai murmured, “Of course.”
Sarai added, “We wanted to enjoy our sweetest partner.”
“And you're not sweet?” Laney snickered.
“Would a sweet person have their hand down your pants as we walked?”
“I think so.” Laney wriggled hir ass until Sarai's finger slipped farther between hir asscheeks. “Unh. Now that feels even better.”
“Good thing most people aren't up to nighttime walks until summer.”
“So we can fuck while walking,” Tara purred. They stroked Laney's midpoint clitorophallus into its lovely erectness. “And very good of you to go commando today.”
Laney moaned. “Sure. I love both your hands where they are.”
The group paused beside the solid fence and the building whose purpose they'd pondered many times in the past. Hands pulled from Laney's pants, Tara and Sarai pounded on hir. In a tangle of limbs, they pulled Laney's pants to hir knees. Tara slipped hir cunt onto Laney's midpoint clitorophallus as Sarai's five inches of unbound clitorophallus slid into Laney's wet asshole.
“Glad I had some lube handy,” Sarai groaned.
Sarai and Tara grabbed each others' asses as they moved against Laney in rhythm.
Laney whimpered in ecstasy.
“There, there, you'll get to come too,” Sarai teased. Kissing on Laney's neck, they growled. “But you'll have to be fast.”
“Might we come close together?” Tara said.
“We might.” Laney glanced into the night sky and noticed the twinkle of stars without the leaves of the trees obscuring the heavens. Hir body twitched with the paired pleasures of anal and clitorophallic stimulation. Pec to pec, nylon rubbing against nylon, their chests pressed close.
Sarai's toes curled against Laney's calves. They bit down on the tend nape of Laney's neck.
“Yes, yes,” Laney moaned into Tara's kissing mouth.
Tara threw a leg over Laney and Sarai. “Come with us.” Hir body clamped down on Laney's midpoint clitorophallus in climax.
Laney's eyelids fluttered even as they looked at the naked tree limbs. The arousal streamed out of hir body. “Thanks, loves.”
They kissed Laney where they could reach. “Outside sex is lovely at night.”
I mentioned the Rainbow Snippets hop here in my post yesterday; I didn't make it the #RainbowSnippets post though because it was well over 6 lines long. I was thinking about how overwhelming similarities of the non-binary vloggers on YouTube made me think I couldn't come out as non-binary. I wrote a short poem of thoughts for this hop.
My non-binary transition is mine
… not to be confused with anyone else's, even a character of mine.
Happy changed joys name; I'm okay with mine.
Mandisa changed their pronouns; I'm pronoun indifferent.
Mairead, Iven, and Tonya changed part of their genitals
… I just want to wear a chest binder sometimes.
To a bunch more great LGBTQIA+ fiction and book recs, check out the Rainbow Snippets group on Facebook. And if you're beyond needing a 101 on non-binary gender as I am, here's an article by Sam Dylan Finch that I enjoyed today.
Ha! The inspiration picture for this week goes what was already in my mind! So in the post-going on anti-depressants, I've come out to myself as non-binary (if you're interested and would like to see the before-and-after hair, I have a 6.5 minute vlog about it). I've had a lot of ponder, as my regular blog readers can no doubt imagine. :D I joined some Facebook groups because I'm 40 and it mostly seems that white millennials are the people talking about being non-binary on YouTube. 2 experiences gave me the idea for the scene you're about to enjoy: 1. After nearly a decade of refusing to wear a bra after a medically necessary breast reduction, I got a fitting at Victoria's Secret, where I was able to explain what I wanted in a sports bra and the wonderful employee got me a sports bra that gave me gender euphoria. 2. A friend gave me a chest binder that didn't work for them and I put it on for a few minutes right from the mailing package... and I felt such gender euphoria that I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat for hours afterward. So the inspiration picture from Mrs. Robinson, the black hands holding the white breasts, almost led me to change what Audrey has been painting in my head...
Gazing at the pile of every possible color or pattern in the style of sports bra that gave me gender euphoria that Audrey bought me, I ponder which one I want to wear now. I select the white bra and pull it down over my head. I lift my gaze from the pouch of my belly; Shaman and Audrey tell me it's slight, but I struggle to believe them.
Audrey coughs to clear her throat. “I thought you'd decided on the bottoms; you aren't going to let your ponder overwhelm your euphoria, are you?”
I close my eyes and simmer in the feeling of my breasts mashed in such a comfortable way. This is one way gender euphoria feels in me; Audrey gifted me the chance to feel it many times over. Eyes still closed, I reach beside me on her bed for the wrap skirt she offered for this dance. My fingertips glide over the silk before I feel her warm hands wrap around my shaking hands. I let her pull me to my feet.
“Wrapping, not comprehension, like the conversation in your ASL learning group about talking about a chest binder,” Audrey murmured as she wrapped the silk around my belly at the navel. “Are you sure you want a sports bra, not your binder, now?”
“Sports bra. You offered a dance, love.” I press my face against her beautifully small breasts. I push my lower body back to allow her to finish wrapping me. The sensation against my skin startles me when she pulls the sash tight to tie it.
“There, love.” Audrey cups my ass to bring my lower body back against her.
My being vibrates with the perfection of the sports bra, the wrapped skirt, Audrey's embrace.
With my face still against her breasts, Audrey kisses my forehead as she leads us in a small circle across the carpet. “I can feel your mind racing. Have you decided differently on what you want now? Are you maybe being too limited in your understanding of what sex is?”
“True.” I breathe in to appreciate the vanilla body lotion she used to for me. “Please.”
Audrey cups the back of my head where the hair is buzzed short. “I trace the graceful slope of your shoulders, my fingers light on your preciously pale skin. Your thighs squeeze my knee. My fingertips continue down to your adorably tiny fingers.”
While her embrace doesn't change, I feel her words as actions. I sigh in time with another circle of our impromptu dance floor. I want...
“I reach around your shoulders to caress your back among the straps of your enchanting bra. I love how it aids you in feeling good about your chest. My hand continues to your lower back, where you feel so much more pleasure.”
The echoes of her touch caress my mind, lower back, and between my legs. A gasp of arousal escapes my lips to be swallowed by her soft skin. The image of her cock sliding into me wets my appetite for more of her words. I curl my toes into the carpet. “Gentle, love.”
“I wrap my hands around your slender hips. I simply clasp you as you move your hips in a simple infinity motion. That's my baby. You make me wanna come so hard when you dance on me like that. This beautiful person that I love so much.”
I nibble on my bottom lip; she changed to person instead of woman without me even having to ask. The release of orgasmic sensations spiral through me.
“Just like that, lover. You found yourself. I just had to start your journey. You're a person when we make love. Now I lift you so you wrap your legs around my waist as my cock slips into your cunt. Cunt still good?”
“Perfect, lover. I don't want that many words to change for me. Feels so good. Does it make you sad--“
“Baby doll, I'm good with what makes you comfortable. Why would what you need to feel good make me sad? I squeeze your adorable ass as I move you on me.”
“Come on my bra,” I whimper between moans.
She lifts one eyebrow even as she kisses me hard.
For one long moment, I concentrate on my bags of fat staying still within the sports bra. I squeeze my muscles around Audrey's cock for a long moment as I hear echoes of her “You're a person when we make love” stir within my mind. I kiss her neck.
“One suggestion, love. Think of Ash's binding video, not your hateful phrase. I love to think of your heart within your handsome chest.”
My legs from knees to toes press into her soft carpet. I press my palms against my silk-covered knees and tilt my head back to look up at her face. I close my eyes and open my mouth. Her left hand presses on my shoulder.
“Yes, yes, love you.”
Warm and sticky, I luxuriate in the feel of her cum where it lands on me. “Love you, sweet Audrey.”
I was just going to link you to Masturbation Monday (I created a portion of a scene with Happy dominating Iovita with text-to-speech software maybe 6 months or a year and a half into them knowing each other), but I decided I'd instead give you Happy's first blog post and talking to Iovita from my nano novel "Typing My Love." Nanowrimo current word count: 10429.
"I missed the teenage exploration in the manner it happens on Tumblr because I grew up in a commune-turned-intentional-community where many things like gender, sexual orientation, gender experience, and more weren't as seriously considered by many because of how the people lived, loved, and parented." Happy considered what Happy had typed. Do I like using my name in place of a pronoun? Happy started typing again. "When I finally left the community because I turned thirty and I wanted a change, I found I was no longer sure about my name, my gender, whether I even thought like others. It seems that non-binary explains my gender and Autism Spectrum Disorder explains my brain's ways of functioning. I'm unsure of pronoun and have taken just to using the name my parents suggested when I began to question my gender assigned by the midwife at birth, even if gender meant less in my so-far home."
Happy's four fantail goldfish completed their dancing pass through their twenty-five gallon aquarium before breaking apart from their miniature school.
"While I learned to speak as my hearing is hypersensitive, I quickly found that writing or typing what I have to communicate is most comfortable for me, that is causes me the least stress. I'm not sure what I'm doing here, although this miniature blogging platform seems perfect for a diary-type use. However, while I felt drawn to leave the intentional community that had been my succor since birth, I find I am lonely in a way I never have felt before." Happy filled out the post's details and then clicked on "publish."
The platform's instant messenger program popped up at the bottom right hand corner of Happy's screen. "Hello, Happy. My name is Iovita and my pronouns are she/her/hers. I wanted to share my excitement with you posting for the first time, even though I haven't managed to read it deeply just yet. After you created the page with its title of My non-binary pondering, I couldn't help but wait on your post."
Happy's pulse started to race so Happy felt it in Happy's throat and wrist. "Thank you for your interest. As you'll see when you do read my first post, I'm unsure about my pronouns. For now, I'm just using my name."
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Please forgive any messed up details- I tried for *cramp pain relief in the form of Mike's Hard Lemonade* and while I'm certainly too drunk to drive, I'm still going to write because Pilo keeps babbling at me, well drawing mental pictures for me of what they would like. I warned them that I'm drunk enough that I might mess up their pronouns; they've forgiven me in advance. And yes, again a content warning of anatomy and gender words that might make some uncomfortable. Also I'm amused to give you something to read with no penises present when the penis was such a focal point in the inspiration picture this week.
"It's been fifteen minutes. You can lower the sun umbrella now." Pilo looked to Johnnie's face, even as his gaze nervously tripped up and down their body. "Johnnie?"
Johnnie yanked his gaze to their handsome face.
"There. You encouraged me to undress since we're alone. What of you?"
"Where'd your shyness go?" Johnnie countered.
"It's just the two of us with our bodies outside conventional understanding."
Pulling the umbrella closed, he placed on the grass beside their blanket before turning onto his side. When they raised their arm, he snuggled against them. Their chest with its mixture of softness and strength made a pillow. He fitted his boy-pussy against their thigh.
"You are worthy of feeling good," they said.
"As are you," he replied. "We are both worthy of orgasm, even if our bodies don't mimic the cishet idea of *penis spewing semen into a vagina*."
Their arm tightened around him. "Pleasure for pleasure's sake?"
"Does it give you pleasure when I touch you like this?" His fingers brushed against their lower chest, their upper stomach.
"Yes." They cupped the back of his head with one hand. Releasing a gasp, they looked down at his finger going up and down, up and down, but not heading toward any traditional erogenous zone. His bicep slid against their skin as his fingers came in contact with the inside of their right elbow. A loud moan dripped from their lips.
He pressed his face against their neck and his inhales pushed hot air across their skin. "You smell like watermelon."
"The sun block. I am all too fair, like a pot of cream or a baked Alaska with my tons of birth marks." They sighed. "Your pants feel so good. I've never felt such pleasure with another person, let alone my own touch." Their hand slid to the nap of his neck, under the scruff of his curls.
Responding to the urging touch, he lifted his lips and pressed them to their parted light pink petals of whimpers. His tongue moved over the seam until it opened farther and a tentative burst of their tongue encouraged him to deepen his kiss.
They struggled at tired cliches that tried to explain the burst of gratification they felt from the top of their head to the tips of their toes, feet stretched out and wriggling in the grass. Their eyes met his as the release and the kiss continued. Both hands shot around his shoulders as they clung to him. Defying everything every horrible doctor had either said or merely left unsaid but known, they shuddered against him. They closed their eyes and pulled their lips from his. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"You are so welcome."
"Your masculinity doesn't prevent me from giving back as much as you've given me?"
He tilted his head back, his chin in the air. "Uh... no."
"Because you allowed me to touch--"
"My boy-pussy," he supplied into their silence.
"Your boy-pussy in the shower, I hope that I might get to enjoy the extra lesson I got from the nice nurse." With his small nod, they dug into the bag for a dental dam and the warming lubricant they had found at the drug store.
"And because I... don't feel dysphoria... there." He coughed as they shook out the dam and dripped the oil on one pale blue side. He placed his feet on the blanket, his knees falling apart. His hips moved in time with their questing fingers.
They brushed out the latex with gentle strokes, delighting at their heat coming through even the thicker than a condom barrier. Leaning in, they flicked their tongue against his flesh.
"Unh, unh!" He trembled and grasped their shoulders. "Too fast."
Lifting their head, they asked, "Too fast what?"
"Came... too fast."
They sucked on him, pulling the tender flesh wrapped in blueberry-flavored protection into their mouth.
"Yes! Yes!" His hips thrust up and they shoved their hand underneath to grasp his soft asscheeks. His fingers pressed into their skin. "Thank you!"
Wearing a soft smile, they lowered him to the blanket. "Let's be close awhile and then we might see what else they gave us."
"Sure." He again cuddled to their side and closed his eyes as the sun pleasantly warmed their skin.
⚧ That's one symbol missing from the above picture. I find it ironic as the short poem I'm sharing, my first post for Rainbow Snippets, is about nonbinary gender and my "gender symbols" picture is missing any of the symbols that nonbinary people use for themselves. I'm still reeling from something transphobic someone said in my name. This poem came from my feelings about that.
My genderqueer friend--hir gender isn't a role
Ze is genderqueer at hir core--gender assignment doesn't asked the assigned
It's not for me-cisgender- to understand--just for me to respect
Enby exist--just for me to respect
I once thought just men and women existed--this isn't about me
Cores are to be respected--nonbinary
And just so you know :D if you click on Rainbow Snippets above or on this link https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/ , you'll go to the public group on Facebook where you can find more links to more LGBTQIA+/queer fiction and book reviews.