What I mean when I say sex scene
I write erotic romance. I mostly write about and for people who are queer, disabled, somehow different than the mainstream in the US. The erotic part of erotic romance of course refers to sexual activity; I’ve thought about and sometimes do just say that I write romance because I include asexual characters. Beyond asexuality and friendships, whether that be queer platonic or other/opposite gender, the variety of interactions that I write can leave some people confused or concerned when I say that I’m writing a sex scene. For instance, I said I was writing a “sex scene” while working on an ageplay romance, and my friend who didn’t read ageplay imagined a disturbing image at what I said; ageplay is about roleplay between consenting adults.
When I was considering this blog post, I thought of seven categories of activities that I could mean when saying “sex scene.”
It was this category I was writing in that led me to think about this post. My current WIP includes a main character who is a transgender woman learning to connect with her body as she transitions from assigned male to her understanding of womanhood.
This is a category I most enjoy writing. As far as I know, outercourse is a newer term to catch things like dry humping, oral to any type of genital or even anal, even genitals being rubbing between parts of another’s body. Reading wikipedia’s article about non-penetrative sex, I was interested to see they include mutual masturbation in this category, something that I hadn’t done in the first draft of this post.
I believe it is important to move away from the idea of foreplay and penetrative intercourse as this can make the cishet-normative active of penis-in-vagina as the default. While it can lead to penetrative intercourse, even if just including fingers or toys, it doesn't always. Especially in my stories. Further my therapist who includes sex therapy and her practice questions the idea of non-penetrative since it would seem that what I read and what she assumed, penetration was only thinking about penises.
An example of this in my current WIP is where Zoe enjoys using her mouth on her girlfriend Amygdala's girl penis.
I consider this to include penis or midpoint clitorophallus into vaginal (or another term for the anatomical orifice if the person is uncomfortable with the term vagina), mouth, or anus. With Amygdala and Zoe, I’ve considered lots of these words. At this point in my writing, they haven’t had penetrative patterned sex. So I haven’t thought if Amygdala is comfortable with the word vagina, although girl penis is her preference for her large clitoris. Zoe on the other hand has serious bottom dysphoria and prefers to call her penis a “ferret.”
While I do not have first hand experience, this also includes, in my opinion, the activity referred to as muffing in which a transgender woman who has not undergone vaginoplasty can be penetrated in the inguinal canal.
It fits to mention here that not all people into BDSM nor ageplayers consider themselves to be in community although I do. While some include BDSM in non-penetrative sex, for my purposes, it makes more sense to think of it separately; I don’t always have BDSM activities lead to sexual intercourse.
While this could lead to a physical BDSM interaction or scene, it might stay in the realm of technology and be limited because of that. Although those engaged in the activity may not consider the use of technology to be a limitation. For example I think of another work in progress where a person who has issues with speaking with their mouth, will dominate their submissive using a text to speech program.
This could be anything from punishment if that is part of the dynamic that I'm writing to something like a bath or even where my characters engage in sexuality outside of their roles. My preference in writing is to always have my characters outside of their caregiver or regressed role for sexuality or sexual activity.
I was laughing with a friend that I didn’t know what to write here, but I think that’s mostly because I haven’t written anything that would fit here in awhile. I can imagine a variety of things though- using text, audio, or video to engage in sexual conversation. This could range from texting a loved one to using a phone sex line. I enjoy writing long distance relationships and appreciate showing satisfying intimacy that doesn't require physical proximity.
I’m trying to think how Amygdala and Zoe might start using technology to increase non-ageplay closeness that is less dysphoric for Zoe. Any thoughts?
I do wonder about how my wide use of the phrase "sex scene" came to be as it wasn't completely intentional. That said, in addition to moving away from cishet-normativity, it works great for me to enjoy the enormity of what I find sexy and sensual.
sexy sex novels nanowrimo
I'm posting!!! I have plans!
One of the publishers I work with just replied to an email so I'll have news soon.
And National Novel Writing Month is coming up in November. I'm a municipal liaison for the Saginaw Bay region in Michigan. While I'm excitedly planning for the ability to meet in person again (crossing my fingers that Covid cases don't shoot up to high risk again in my area), I'm also thinking on my writing/publishing.
I continue to type away on Hank and Petunia's story- she has ageplay experience and he doesn't, but can he still be her Daddy?- and I think on my new project for Nanowrimo 2022- Amygdala and Sapir are on item? And what's Audrey doing in the story?
Dirty Texting for a Spanking?
I saw PK Corey's post last week and found out that this hop is still going- woohoo!
I'll be having a book release on Valentine's Day! But first, I'm going to share from the first two books in the trilogy.
Today I'm sharing from "Laura Challenges," the first book in the trilogy.
The challenge is on and Jack is at a BDSM club's class about dominating. Laura is at lunch with her friend Amy.
Laura swiped on her phone.
I'm imagining spanking your gorgeous ass until it's bright red and then taking you from behind.
"One more text." Laura licked her lips. She typed: Are you going to use your hand? Or maybe a toy? Since we're going to stop and get that toy set. She clicked send before typing, Sir. She waited before the text showed as sent before starting to click again. I'm imagining you getting home from this class and taking yourself in hand. She grinned at Amy. "It's easier writing this stuff than saying it aloud."
"Maybe you shouldn't be writing checks you're not sure you can cash?" Amy returned Laura's smirk.
"Well who says he's going to want me to say it aloud? He may just be enjoying the pretty pictures I'm making."
Amy shook her head in amusement. "Whatever you say."
Laura chewed on her bottom lip to feel her phone vibrating against the table. "Here it goes."
Well aren't we getting adventurous. I am certainly looking forward to spending time with this confident woman I'm reading about in your texts. I wonder if maybe our toy set will contain a gag or not- I'd loved to force some dirty talk out of your beautiful lips.
"Shoot. I did get myself in trouble! He's texting about dirty talk now."
"I told you."
"But he's oh so cute. And wow! The things he did with just his hands and the toys I already had on hand. And now he's been to a class? And we're buying something special tonight?"
Laura and Jack. She didn’t know that a chance encounter with a gorgeous man would turn into more- isn’t 35 old to be meeting the love of her life, she thought. “Three weeks of kinky fun”? 45-year-old Jack was more than ready to start in “Laura Challenges” with him in charge of Laura. Their story continues in “Laura Learns” where they experiment with ageplay with both taking turns as the Big and the Little. He also asks her to marry him and she says yes! Finally- releasing on Valentine's Day, 2/14/2022- “Laura Commands,” she takes a turn being in control even as they plan their wedding and meet vanilla family members.
"Laura Challenges" is available for free through KU or for $3.99.
Do I write every day?
Trigger warning- mentions of trauma, PTSD, Autism, nervous breakdown.
Daily writing? That is a much debated topic in the writing community. I don't have a firm daily writing practice. Of course that is now and I have had the experience of writing every day in the past.
about my writing process
My writing process? Do I have a writing process lol? In my case, my writing process is very much affected by mental health and disability issues that I live with. I've outlined my thoughts for a likely series, but I have no idea how long it'll actually take me to write all the pieces or how many posts I will manage.
I will try to make sure I post a list of particularly sensitive subjects before each of the posts. I have lived a life full of serious traumas that have most definitely impacted my writing. Those traumas have led me to a diagnosis of PTSD and that will certainly include some trigger warnings. I am also on the autism spectrum and the journey to diagnosis has been a hard one.
I’m not writing this as an invitation for people to question or debate my history. Does that sound hostile? I’m not sorry if that’s how someone takes it- 43 years into a life full of abuse, tragedy, and oppression has left me with quite an attitude.
Note- you may want to sign up for my RSS feed or follow me on Twitter to make sure you don't miss a post.
Masks in erotic romance?
When you pick up a book, are you looking to escape your daily existence?
My answer to that question is no because as a multiply marginalized person I don't see enough of people like me and my daily living to find comfort in escapism. I want to see people with more similarities to myself than I see in mainstream media.
My 3 loves & me
Woot! I had sex with my virtual family! Lol I obviously need to watch Deadpool, support for my 4th wall breaking. Hm, trying to eat while at a restaurant may not have been a good idea. Okay back on my couch now; Honey the wonder puppy is next to me. I enjoyed the time with my loves that I discussed here.
I’ve been having problems with keyboard issues adding to my now-usual length of time in creating a blog post. It seems at the moment that I can do well with the wireless keyboard sitting on my laptop; I haven’t tried my laptop in awhile to see if the keyboard issues are going away like they did last time. Last words- I hope- before sex, I’ve debated about how to deal with my fourth wall-breaking in this.
August 04th, 2021
I’m guessing I need to write an introduction to this conversation that’s introducing a plan of writing and posting. After some writing speech to text that created a wall of text, I worked to bring this into a format that would be readable and pleasing to the eye. It took some attempts and I’m not sure I like it yet LOL. Italics are either to identify who’s speaking or actions. Plain text is spoken communication. Figure that one out, as I’m the only flesh and body person in this.
I lost my way. Seriously... study and learning and sleeping and... writing? I'm still reading and writing but it's slow going. While I have privilege and personality that's made this pandemic less difficult in many ways for me. My sweet emotional support dog, Honey sleeping in her bed in my room in the picture below, has very much enjoyed me on the couch, whether I'm being productive or not.
I'm getting better with speech to text. I found a Chrome extension that helps quite a bit; that's actually what I'm writing this with. I am heading into a fun scene with Love and Evander going to an ageplay gathering so he can meet other Littles. Also I have some news: I've been talking to Casey at Baronet Press and have some good news- my third book in the Laura and Jack series is almost ready for release, possibly sometime next month. We'll have to see how well I'm doing with limited use of my left hand or if maybe the hand specialist has found that I'm lucky and my little finger is already all healed. If you haven't already enjoyed Laura and Jack, you can read their first two books in Kindle Unlimited for free or they're $3.99 each.