|
Uri- are you sure you want to keep using my name even though speech to text can never get it right? And sometimes it’s taking your workaround of calling me Yuri and rendering it as Gary?
Me- Do you have any other names you’d like? Uri- Amos? Me- Hm. I think I’m willing to just deal with speech to text. Did you know your name is on at least one list of top ten names in Israel? Maybe if I switch to Hebrew when typing your name? אורי? Why did it use an aleph rather than an ayin? Uri- Does it matter at this point? Since you’ve been just using the Latin and Hebrew alphabets in this rough draft? Me- Right. It’ll be interesting to see how often- if at all- speech to text decides to use aleph or ayin. Ayin was in the siddur I looked at. Yes, every time I sing “Lecha Dodi” I end up thinking of you now. Uri- Was my name the main thing you wanted to talk about today? Me - no. I had two topics on my mind. First one, differences between LGBT fiction and cisgender heterosexual fiction. In relation to that I am most specifically thinking of graphic scenes and the fact that in your story the four of you remain queer even when doing something intimately with a partner that for those or rather for that time could make you appear cisgender and heterosexual to another person. And I've been debating how to bring that queerness out in the scenes. Or maybe it's already there because of my own queerness. Uri- so that is a lot of thoughts but I also think that you are forgetting cultural differences. Well I live in the United States now in heaven living here for a while, my formative years were spent as a minority in Israel. Have you tried finding any other books by Israeli LGBT people? Me - no and I know I need to look. Because my to be read list is not large enough LOL אורי- I'm going to say that your own queerness is probably a great start but until you read more from Israeli LGBT people there may be things that you just don't get quite right in the rough draft. But remember the rough draft exists to get to the next one! Me - yes I know. It just doesn't help much knowing when I'm actually writing. אורי- and as impactful as gender and sexuality is, it really is only one side of a person. And you endeavor to invite your characters as whole people to your graphic scenes. Me- [The next day] I found an Israeli LGBT organization (The Aguda) although I haven’t had the moment to look at it yet. [After Shabbat class] please do remind me if you catch me worrying too much over details in the rough draft. אורי- of course. Do you mind if Yana joins? Me- Yana of course is welcome but I'd like to check in with pronouns and also gender identity. And I'm sorry that I forgot to do that yesterday when we started talking. Uri- I still see myself as a cisgender man regardless of any gender presentation or roles I might be questioning and my pronouns are he, him. Yana - They, them pronouns and feeling good as non-binary. So I wanted to come today after noticing what you both have been talking about. Did my gender questioning lead you to not thinking of me in reference to the lovemaking scene you had that idea for? Me- Okay so the only thing was you didn't talk in the exchange I saw. Well actually if you want to say exchange lol it was Lucas talking to Ava and Yuri. I didn't even think of their response. And your gender questioning was not at all a part of my thoughts. Yana - That checks with your writing style. I was wondering if you had thought about how you had written conversations with us in the run-up to starting the project but that you hadn't posted those on your website nor have you leaned into many of the understandings from it. Me - I didn't know you so much at the time and maybe I had more influence on those conversations then I would like. Shrugs. I don't feel the need to go back to them. Yana - what was your second question? Me- Of course you would ask that when it's out of my mind and I can't scroll. , queerness even in scenes when the bodies might seem to make it cisgender and or heterosexual. So if that's what we talked about yesterday, what could I have been thinking about that was left for us to talk about? Yana - well you were pondering just now about writing me authentically as a non-binary person and whether or not you just wanted to put this up on your blog or if you wanted opinions first. Me- No, that wasn't the second question because both of you know how I've been struggling with feeling a need to have my hand held while I write. Yana - here's a thought, maybe the question of queerness and graphic scenes is more difficult with me because I'm not binary. Me - do you say that because you think I should try an exploratory graphic scene with you and at least one of your partners? Yana - maybe you should finish Lucas and Ava's age play scene first? Me - so have you all managed to read my note in this in between days when I couldn't summon the inspiration to write? Uri- yes and we've been talking about it. You had some rough days though, are you sure you're up to your second question? Me - and you don't ever have rough times? Ava - clicks her tongue - you don't have to get an attitude when you know he is reaching out and empathy. Me - You're right. I'm sorry, Uri. All right so I'm not going to scroll back or down to the note but work on what's in my Head. - Yana snorts - I swear today I'm going to finish this piece! So like I was talking with Beth my thoughts about allosexuality and asexuality and how that overlaps with graphic scenes I write. אורי- you are most certainly overthinking this. Your graphic scenes are only one way of knowing and learning about us as characters and you won't be stopping just with those scenes. Me - yes but - I mean it feels like I am recreating fetishizing tropes. At least that's my concern. Yana -so whether or not you envision me being in person for Ava Lucas and Yuri, I still think your scene in which I engage in self pleasure would be a good one to attempt Me- but now I feel like I'm never going to finish a scene with yet another scene to add. Ava- you just put some words down on the screen. You'll be fine. Me - I thought there was so much more to talk about with this. אורי - you just want there to be more to talk about. This conversation will be waiting and you can write other things now. Me - but what about bisexual erasure? And really erasure of anyone not monosexual? Ava - let us live our lives as you live yours and erasure will only happen in the minds of people who aren't ready for us queer.
0 Comments
It was interesting to see that I put this post in draft back in 6/2023. It's related to my current WIP "Four Jews." Please do take a moment to read my note at the end after enjoying this "conversation" between myself and one of my characters.
Me: I feel like I shouldn't start this conversation when walking my dog since I won't be able to get working on teaching speech to text the correct spelling of your name, Uri. Uri: Honey just stopped long enough for you to do it. He laughs. You just have to create somehow, don't you? Me: Well yes, probably one of those reasons that I'll never get to shomer Shabbat. [In other words, a super traditional observation of Shabbat.] Uri: If you are going to accept an Orthodox idea of what that means, but as a Reconstructionist who loves listening to “Judaism Unbound,” you've done well working through what Shabbat means to you. Me: Am I assuming you're Jewish because you have an Israeli name? Uri: Possibly, but a secular Israeli is still going to likely know a decent amount about religious Judaism. I’m glad you’re questioning yourself on that, given your concerns of separating your thoughts about me from the “Prisoners of War” show that you watched. Me: Right. Would you please share three facts about yourself? Uri: He grins and I notice his black curly mop of hair. I was born in Jerusalem. I went to Alaska as a tourist after my time in the IDF. [Israeli Defense Force] Me: Alaska? Uri: Do you want that story instead of a third detail? Me: No, although you'll share the story too? I smile hopefully. Uri: Of course. Me: I laugh. You know on the way to get Taco Bell I was thinking about how your hairstyle is one that I have seen on dozens of rabbis. Uri: He smirks. Are you ready for the Alaska story? Me: Mhm. Uri: I watched my friends go off to all sorts of places like Europe and Argentina but I wanted something different. I came across a year-long program of outreach to Alaskan Jews. I got to learn all about the fishing industry and enjoy the summer months when the sun never set. I didn't find the nice girl that my parents hoped I would settle down with, but I did make a solid group of friends and lovers who I still keep in touch with. Me: That is so wonderful. Uri: Aren't you going to ask about their genders? Me: I roll my eyes. I wasn't going to go right for those details. I have plenty of time to get to know you more before I start writing in November. Uri: He stretches out his long legs in front of him and relaxes his head back against the wall. So I'm guessing you're keeping the interviews one-on-one? Me: I scratch my chin. Maybe, maybe not? Uri: He chuckles. Why are you attached to Lucas spelled with a k rather than a c? Me: The k feels strong. Also with all the languages I'm studying where you have a hard k sound and a soft s sound but there isn't the overlap of those sounds with other letters like in English. Uri: Ah yes, you have Hebrew on the brain, although I wonder why that didn’t help you with how to say my name. Me: I snort, choosing to ignore his comment before continuing. And Yiddish and German. Maybe Ukrainian does that? Uri: He shrugs. The only Ukrainians I ever met also spoke Hebrew. Me: Ava, Yana, Lukas. Do you want to talk about how you met any of them? Uri: I thought you were going to be patient? Me: Did you really mean that as a question? Uri: Smart ass. Did you really want me to live in Ramat Gan but speech to text wouldn't cooperate? Me: Stupid speech to text! Is it possible that Yana likes Rihanna's music since speech to text keeps on messing up their names? Uri: He laughs. Maybe you should give creation a break? Me: Maybe you should hush since it's Tuesday? Uri: I met Ava when she came to Israel on a Birthright trip. It was good to meet an American Jew who wasn't Orthodox but was still fluent in Hebrew. I admit to lust at first sight. On the short side, curvy, and with all those strawberry blond curls. He snorts. Her first words to me were, “Yes, I’m really a Jew.” Poor thing. Me: I get it. I don’t look Jewish either. How about we pick this up later, maybe when one of the others can join? Uri: Sure. It’s time for dinner. Ava makes a mean shakshuka. Me: I gotta buy me some tomatoes. You owe me a third fact about yourself. Later. I decided to share this even though it's not necessarily impacted on my WIP, "Four Jews." I'll be sharing a newer conversation with the characters soon. Be watching!!  Conversation between myself and 3 characters in my first and most familiar story-verse reacquaints us after some time apart. The talking leads to sex and then more talking. Involved in the scene is myself as a character (a trans man who has a vulva and a Testosterone-enlarged clit), The Queen (a cisgender man), Vala (a cisgender woman, and Simon (a cisgender man).
I sigh. “It's been a long time.” Vala asks, “Are you really going to try this conversation using speech to text and not having italics or some other way to differentiate?” “It'll be a good game trying to remember which one of us was talking although I started.” “Good point, so who else should join us?” Vala wiggles her toes. “Well, are you thinking of including Lady Audrey's family? You would have to make the decision between my Queen or Onyx.” “I guess I hadn't thought as much given that in the course of your training story he hadn't figured out that other side of himself.” Vala nods. “Right. Are you going to try and write sex using speech to text?” “Well you know I hadn't thought about it, although I think it was Autocrit that said that my one scene had more than average amount of dialogue and here we have all done.” The Queen growls, "Come here, my girl." Vala squeals as she turns into his embrace in time to have his massive hands lift her chest to chest. “See, that was a bit of action, not just dialogue?” The Queen snorts. “You just didn't want to have sex with Vala because she's based on yourself.” I stick my tongue out at The Queen. “Not all!” "Now look at that, speech to text limiting how bratty you can be. I like it." Vala and I roll our eyes at The Queen. “At least I can spank one of you.” The Queen smirks as he jiggles Vala in his arms so he can spank her without putting her down. Vala moans. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. “Okay so I have little clue where we are in your story timeline.” I giggle even as complexity flits at the edges of my mind. “How much does that matter?” Vala questions. “Well if more people start showing up there's going to be matters of dominance and submission that aren't as easily outside of my understanding as we are now,” I explain even though I feel it’s obvious. “Such worries from you!” The Queen grabs me by the shoulders, pulls his cock out of his jeans, and shoves it into my mouth. Vala surprises me with her hands on the nape of my neck. When did he put you down? passes through my head as I relax my throat when he pushes to the base of his cock in. I choke and a pulse of pleasure embraces my cunt. “That's still a word you use?” she questions while her lips trace my earlobe. With one arm reaching behind me for her side, I squeeze out a yes. She kisses her way down the middle of my back and pauses when she reaches my tailbone. I realize that I'm on my hands and knees. Her soft small hands part my asscheeks. “This applicator hasn't been used yet.” She parts my cheeks again and her tongue presses against my asshole. I groan against The Queen’s cock. She reaches beneath me to stroke my clit. “Man, you’ve gotten bigger. Feels good.” I gag on The Queen’s cock from the sensation. The Queen brushes a thumb over my cheek. “Have to relax that throat.” Vala licks my taint. I clutch The Queen’s calves. “Yeah, such gorgeous growth.” Vala kisses and then licks my clit. She reaches up for my ass. Her fingers press into my skin. Something hard and plastic pushes against my asshole. “Easy now with that, Simon. First time Joey is experiencing a lube applicator,” The Queen says. “Of course, my Queen.” And without a pause he says, “Get that comment out of your slut head. Yeah, I've been watching porn with you. I know what you've been picking recently.” He laughs. “You're a rotten little guy.” I’m grateful for The Queen's cock in my mouth. Their banter has caused me to miss the sensation of the lube pushing into my body. “Did you have a plan for this lubed asshole, my Queen?” “You can enjoy it.” Simon laughs. “Thanks, my Queen.” The touching at my asshole changes from the hard applicator to the soft warm head of Simon's cock. He slides inside me with surprising ease that jerks my mind into a moment of considering cock size before my body starts to vibrate with pleasure. The Queen's hands in my hair prevent me from instinctually lowering my head. I swallow repeatedly as my senses struggle to process the much-ness of the moment. Just then Vala wraps her lips around my cock. Muffled but not silenced by The Queen's cock, my groans sound loud in my ears. His fingers press into my jaw. "This stubble makes me want to fuck your throat." The gush of orgasm startles me. My throat indeed relaxes as it has only done a few times with Shaman. The Queen grunts with his own orgasm. Moments later I feel Simon's fingers grip my hips hard. “Thank you, my Queen,” he whimpers. Vala’s lips around my hard clit sounds her enjoyment of the moment. Her fist pressed against my thigh rocks as if saying yes in the tactile gestural language used by deafblind people. The Queen’s bed appears underneath us. After the cocks leave my body, I roll into my side with Vala staying entwined with my legs. Simon grins. “Gotta love when the orgasms happen so close together it's almost like a romance novel and the man and the woman come at the same time.” The Queen chuckles. “Although I rather prefer when the gathering isn't a cisgender, heterosexual pairing.” Vala kisses The Queen's cheek. “And that's why we love you, our Queen.” Simon rolls his eyes. “Really?” “I'm just a cute girl here, my Lord.” Simon leans over. He grabs her hand and pulls her onto her stomach. “Well cute girls need red asses.” He slaps her ass, the sound sharp although not really happening enough times to redden the skin. I want to beg for a spanking too. “But what were we talking about?” I say out loud. “How the family is doing? What timeline in the story-verse that you're thinking of writing the sex?” Simon grabs my thigh and gives me a hard pinch. Vala says, “Took you long enough to finish this. When are you going to get back to work on Escape into Love?” I chew on my bottom lip as arousal tugs inside me as the pain morphs into and through pleasure. I stammer, “Maybe next week? I've been off kilter and not managing to study so well.” The Queen clicks his tongue. “Sprachenlernen ist wichtig.” I nod. “Lernen ist wichtig.” Vala brushes her lips across my lower belly. “My story?” “Starting work tomorrow, maybe? Final edit? Once that’s done, cover art?” I tilt my head thoughtfully. “Not worrying beyond that.” “Vala may be struggling with patience, but that sounds like a plan to me,” The Queen says I write erotic romance. I mostly write about and for people who are queer, disabled, somehow different than the mainstream in the US. The erotic part of erotic romance of course refers to sexual activity; I’ve thought about and sometimes do just say that I write romance because I include asexual characters. Beyond asexuality and friendships, whether that be queer platonic or other/opposite gender, the variety of interactions that I write can leave some people confused or concerned when I say that I’m writing a sex scene. For instance, I said I was writing a “sex scene” while working on an ageplay romance, and my friend who didn’t read ageplay imagined a disturbing image at what I said; ageplay is about roleplay between consenting adults.
When I was considering this blog post, I thought of seven categories of activities that I could mean when saying “sex scene.”
It was this category I was writing in that led me to think about this post. My current WIP includes a main character who is a transgender woman learning to connect with her body as she transitions from assigned male to her understanding of womanhood.
This is a category I most enjoy writing. As far as I know, outercourse is a newer term to catch things like dry humping, oral to any type of genital or even anal, even genitals being rubbing between parts of another’s body. Reading wikipedia’s article about non-penetrative sex, I was interested to see they include mutual masturbation in this category, something that I hadn’t done in the first draft of this post. I believe it is important to move away from the idea of foreplay and penetrative intercourse as this can make the cishet-normative active of penis-in-vagina as the default. While it can lead to penetrative intercourse, even if just including fingers or toys, it doesn't always. Especially in my stories. Further my therapist who includes sex therapy and her practice questions the idea of non-penetrative since it would seem that what I read and what she assumed, penetration was only thinking about penises. An example of this in my current WIP is where Zoe enjoys using her mouth on her girlfriend Amygdala's girl penis.
I consider this to include penis or midpoint clitorophallus into vaginal (or another term for the anatomical orifice if the person is uncomfortable with the term vagina), mouth, or anus. With Amygdala and Zoe, I’ve considered lots of these words. At this point in my writing, they haven’t had penetrative patterned sex. So I haven’t thought if Amygdala is comfortable with the word vagina, although girl penis is her preference for her large clitoris. Zoe on the other hand has serious bottom dysphoria and prefers to call her penis a “ferret.” While I do not have first hand experience, this also includes, in my opinion, the activity referred to as muffing in which a transgender woman who has not undergone vaginoplasty can be penetrated in the inguinal canal.
It fits to mention here that not all people into BDSM nor ageplayers consider themselves to be in community although I do. While some include BDSM in non-penetrative sex, for my purposes, it makes more sense to think of it separately; I don’t always have BDSM activities lead to sexual intercourse.
While this could lead to a physical BDSM interaction or scene, it might stay in the realm of technology and be limited because of that. Although those engaged in the activity may not consider the use of technology to be a limitation. For example I think of another work in progress where a person who has issues with speaking with their mouth, will dominate their submissive using a text to speech program.
This could be anything from punishment if that is part of the dynamic that I'm writing to something like a bath or even where my characters engage in sexuality outside of their roles. My preference in writing is to always have my characters outside of their caregiver or regressed role for sexuality or sexual activity.
I was laughing with a friend that I didn’t know what to write here, but I think that’s mostly because I haven’t written anything that would fit here in awhile. I can imagine a variety of things though- using text, audio, or video to engage in sexual conversation. This could range from texting a loved one to using a phone sex line. I enjoy writing long distance relationships and appreciate showing satisfying intimacy that doesn't require physical proximity. I’m trying to think how Amygdala and Zoe might start using technology to increase non-ageplay closeness that is less dysphoric for Zoe. Any thoughts? I do wonder about how my wide use of the phrase "sex scene" came to be as it wasn't completely intentional. That said, in addition to moving away from cishet-normativity, it works great for me to enjoy the enormity of what I find sexy and sensual. I'm posting!!! I have plans!
One of the publishers I work with just replied to an email so I'll have news soon. And National Novel Writing Month is coming up in November. I'm a municipal liaison for the Saginaw Bay region in Michigan. While I'm excitedly planning for the ability to meet in person again (crossing my fingers that Covid cases don't shoot up to high risk again in my area), I'm also thinking on my writing/publishing. I continue to type away on Hank and Petunia's story- she has ageplay experience and he doesn't, but can he still be her Daddy?- and I think on my new project for Nanowrimo 2022- Amygdala and Sapir are on item? And what's Audrey doing in the story? Joelle 
I saw PK Corey's post last week and found out that this hop is still going- woohoo!
I'll be having a book release on Valentine's Day! But first, I'm going to share from the first two books in the trilogy. Today I'm sharing from "Laura Challenges," the first book in the trilogy. The challenge is on and Jack is at a BDSM club's class about dominating. Laura is at lunch with her friend Amy. - Laura swiped on her phone. I'm imagining spanking your gorgeous ass until it's bright red and then taking you from behind. "One more text." Laura licked her lips. She typed: Are you going to use your hand? Or maybe a toy? Since we're going to stop and get that toy set. She clicked send before typing, Sir. She waited before the text showed as sent before starting to click again. I'm imagining you getting home from this class and taking yourself in hand. She grinned at Amy. "It's easier writing this stuff than saying it aloud." "Maybe you shouldn't be writing checks you're not sure you can cash?" Amy returned Laura's smirk. "Well who says he's going to want me to say it aloud? He may just be enjoying the pretty pictures I'm making." Amy shook her head in amusement. "Whatever you say." Laura chewed on her bottom lip to feel her phone vibrating against the table. "Here it goes." Well aren't we getting adventurous. I am certainly looking forward to spending time with this confident woman I'm reading about in your texts. I wonder if maybe our toy set will contain a gag or not- I'd loved to force some dirty talk out of your beautiful lips. "Shoot. I did get myself in trouble! He's texting about dirty talk now." "I told you." "But he's oh so cute. And wow! The things he did with just his hands and the toys I already had on hand. And now he's been to a class? And we're buying something special tonight?" - Laura and Jack. She didn’t know that a chance encounter with a gorgeous man would turn into more- isn’t 35 old to be meeting the love of her life, she thought. “Three weeks of kinky fun”? 45-year-old Jack was more than ready to start in “Laura Challenges” with him in charge of Laura. Their story continues in “Laura Learns” where they experiment with ageplay with both taking turns as the Big and the Little. He also asks her to marry him and she says yes! Finally- releasing on Valentine's Day, 2/14/2022- “Laura Commands,” she takes a turn being in control even as they plan their wedding and meet vanilla family members. "Laura Challenges" is available for free through KU or for $3.99. Trigger warning- mentions of trauma, PTSD, Autism, nervous breakdown.
Daily writing? That is a much debated topic in the writing community. I don't have a firm daily writing practice. Of course that is now and I have had the experience of writing every day in the past. My writing process? Do I have a writing process lol? In my case, my writing process is very much affected by mental health and disability issues that I live with. I've outlined my thoughts for a likely series, but I have no idea how long it'll actually take me to write all the pieces or how many posts I will manage.
I will try to make sure I post a list of particularly sensitive subjects before each of the posts. I have lived a life full of serious traumas that have most definitely impacted my writing. Those traumas have led me to a diagnosis of PTSD and that will certainly include some trigger warnings. I am also on the autism spectrum and the journey to diagnosis has been a hard one. I’m not writing this as an invitation for people to question or debate my history. Does that sound hostile? I’m not sorry if that’s how someone takes it- 43 years into a life full of abuse, tragedy, and oppression has left me with quite an attitude. Note- you may want to sign up for my RSS feed or follow me on Twitter to make sure you don't miss a post. When you pick up a book, are you looking to escape your daily existence?
My answer to that question is no because as a multiply marginalized person I don't see enough of people like me and my daily living to find comfort in escapism. I want to see people with more similarities to myself than I see in mainstream media. Woot! I had sex with my virtual family! Lol I obviously need to watch Deadpool, support for my 4th wall breaking. Hm, trying to eat while at a restaurant may not have been a good idea. Okay back on my couch now; Honey the wonder puppy is next to me. I enjoyed the time with my loves that I discussed here.
I’ve been having problems with keyboard issues adding to my now-usual length of time in creating a blog post. It seems at the moment that I can do well with the wireless keyboard sitting on my laptop; I haven’t tried my laptop in awhile to see if the keyboard issues are going away like they did last time. Last words- I hope- before sex, I’ve debated about how to deal with my fourth wall-breaking in this. Enjoy! |
Categories
All
Archives
September 2022
|
RSS Feed