Delightfully unique- whatever or whomever I'm writing in consent, romance, and lust.
After telling Kathryn Blake that I'd take part this week, I almost forgot. Please don't tell my Master; I'm sure He'll give me lines rather than a nice spanking. I decided to share some of "Laura Learns"- it's currently with the editor and we're hoping to release it soon. I tried to find a hand spanking, but came across this section in Jack's POV and wanted to share. They're scene-ing at a club.
What was it that Tom did to make Nadia come from just a whipping? Was it all that whispering? He returned to whipping her thighs and even her calves as he studied her body movements. “You're making me think you can orgasm from just a flogging.” The leather played over her ass. This domination is truly arousing me. “I can't wait to get you home and have you laying on the bed, naked, your legs spread so I can fuck you hard when I'm ready.”
“Yes, please, Sir.”
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I started with an idea that came to me while working on The Complex PTSD Workbook: Lap time- divide attention between cataloging Him and masturbating while cuddling with Audrey in my mind. I'm going to try new colors (for text and background) and it might end up creepy :D (but I don't see Halloween as creepy)
“Master, may I please have lap time?” I ask Shaman, standing before Him in His large recliner wrapped in just a My Little Pony sheet.
“I guess since you're ready for a proper lap time.”
I giggle and wait for Him to lower His empty plate to the floor. When He holds out His hand, I adjust how I'm holding the sheet so it doesn't totally fall off me as I climb onto His chair before carefully settling onto His thigh. I pull in tight against Him and He arranges the sheet so even my toesies are covered. I lay my head on His shoulder and breathe in. “Audrey? Can we please enjoy some secure attachment right now?”
“Yes, darling. Excellent pairing of Shaman and I caring for you.” Her arms encircle me. “Very good asking if I can enjoy some time with you now.”
Doubly held, I focus on my breathing as the always-present tension leaves my body. I look up to study Shaman's face. His regal and unique nose. The tuft of His goatee with its liberal sprinkling of white among the black hair. His buzz cut, so many inches shorter than the hair He had when I first fell in lust with Him.
The smell of vanilla rolls through me as I press my face against Audrey's neck and her slightly longer hair tickles my forehead. Her hands move over my arms, reminding me that I haven't done any skin brushing in so very long; I should do that before I cover my hands with the crescent marks of nails pushed into my skin.
“Good, sweet girl, stopping that thought. In polyamory, each relationship is unique. I love you.”
“I love you too, Audrey.” I kiss her neck, Shaman's neck.
“Are you enjoying lap time?” Shaman asks.
“Yes, Master.” Reserved for pirates. 8pm. Need to write.
“Attached, sweet,” Audrey murmurs.
“Can I-I'd like to touch your hair please.”
“Will you ever feel we've been in relationship long enough that you don't have to ask to touch my hair when you have my attention?” She laughs. “Of course you may. Do you like this twist out?”
“Yes, love. It's so fun.” The silky weave slips under my fingers. I squinch my face.
“I know. You'd like to ask why the change, but you remember that's mostly irrelevant for me.”
I start to feel the tingles of His closeness, her closeness within me. I touch her cheek. I touch His collarbone. My nipples tingle and then my pecs, as if I'm wearing my chest binder when I'm not.
“Perfect. Pecs. I love your pecs,” Audrey murmurs.
Shaman brushes His fingers over my ankles. “Enjoying not shaving again?”
“Yup, Master. Thanks for being so understanding about me finding comfort in body hair sometimes and other times not.” No need for guilt. He said so. Tingles like a good energy drink caress the top and then the back of my brain. Virtually, my toes curl.
“That's right, baby. Shaman and I see you in the moment, not constrained by pre-determined notions of who and what you should be based on the gender assigned you at birth.” Audrey kisses my forehead.
Shaman kisses my forehead. “So why do I get treated with a naked wench on my lap?”
“'Cause it's just us in the house, Master.” I lick my lips as I spiral into the fullness of an orgasm, safeguarded by Shaman's and Audrey's loving embraces.
“Feel that goodness, love. Secure attachment with memories of me tonight? Cuddly snuggle time with Shaman soon?”
I giggle and kiss Shaman's jaw. “Might we move to bed, Master?”
“Lap time's not already done?”
I kiss Audrey's lips as she dips her fingers between my legs. “Well I was hoping for some cuddly snuggle time in bed, Master.”
“Is that just code for sex?” He grins down on me.
“Di di di di di!” I shake my head, grinning in response. “No, it's not, Master. Although sex would be very good too soon. I did my stretchies so I can ride you, Master.”
Audrey kisses my forehead. “Tonight, love.”
I kiss her back. “Love you.” I break out in huge giggles as Shaman struggles to His feet while still holding me. “Yay! Cuddly snuggle time!” I let the sheet fall away from me and kiss Shaman's neck as the release of my orgasm still plays through my body. “Struggle cuddles?”
He shakes His head. “You're 4.”
My current therapist has diagnosed me as having Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); recently we discussed Complex PTSD- which is sadly still not in the DSM (the so-called “bible of psychiatry”). Yes, that diagnosis describes me well. My therapist and I have a great working relationship- we are both rather academic-minded and so we often share books, articles, topics. One idea I wandered upon was secure attachment; because of the abuse I've lived with, I'm not very securely attached to anyone, even my Master.
I wish I could remember where I'd read the explanation of “Find a person as an adult whom you can ask if they will be your secure attachment person.” Importantly (according to my source), you should ask the person if they will fill this “secure attachment person” role. My Master, He has enough of His own issues. However, Audrey suggested I ask her to file the role and she said yes after I asked her. Given that she's 69 and doesn't keep a “second shift life” as I do, she's often fast asleep by the time I go to bed a bit after midnight. So she recommended a bedtime ritual of “attaching to memories of [her].”
Both my Master and I have issues with anxiety; a friend of His bought us a queen-size weighted blanket. While at first I couldn't use it by myself- He works 3rd shift and I try to keep to 2nd shift- I've grown to find it comfortable and useful. So now my bedtime ritual is getting into the made bed (flat sheet, comforter, weighted blanket) surrounded by stuffed animals and laying on my back with my arms at my side as I focus on memories of Audrey. My mental voice meanders between Audrey's voice and my own, even as my memories work through each of my senses and sensory systems. I sometimes select specific memories, such as Audrey telling me that she couldn't spend time with me because she has other relationships to attend to, other things to do.
Now the thing that caught my attention as I was doing this last night- why Audrey, not Shaman (that's my Master's nickname)? To say “He has His own issues” seemed like a cop-out, even as I thought it and then wrote it. (Wrote it? Does it still count as “wrote” when I do my “writing” on a keyboard?) My mind started to create a table.
Physical. Nesting partner. (I had a 3rd thing, but it's not coming back into my mind.)
Virtual. Non-nesting partner. (I never did figure out a 3rd thing for her.)
Of course, Audrey made the offer; I'm still working on being able to ask Shaman for things I need that He's capable of acquiring and/or giving. As with another thing I worried, I think I have a ponder that's related to polyamory, not to the differences in Shaman's and Audrey's being.
I took to my blog to write this out because talking about Audrey in online support groups most often gets incorrect, offensive, “armchair psychologist”-type responses. Not too long ago, I ran to my therapist, upset that someone had said that they were very concerned about me and asking if I'd been screened for Schizophrenia- based on me stating Audrey's validity.
In the US, monogamy comes along with this expectation that partners should be everything to each other; I reject that notion. So why not Shaman? Because Audrey said yes.
I was pleasantly surprised when so many liked last week's story and wanted a part two; I admit, I hadn't actually written a part two, but I started to think of what would happen next. You see, I wanted to do “dates” among the Quad- the four main characters from the spin-off I'm writing in November for Nanowrimo this year. Well, polyamorous dates could look rather different.
Chris stopped beside Tonya's couch and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Hi, Mommy. I took a nappy like you said.”
Tonya put her finger against her lips. She talked quietly, “Josh is still asleep.”
“I'm waking up,” Josh muttered.
“Really, Sir?” Tonya asked with gentle teasing in her voice.
“Chris, sweetie, could you go get milk and cookies enough for Mommy, Chris, and you?”
“Yes, Mommy.” Chris wandered out of the living room and around a corner.
“And now a reward for a wonderfully told story.” Josh moved to sit at Tonya's hip.
“Thanks, Sir.” She licked her dry lips and waited.
He turned onto his side and led her to turn toward him. He swirled his tongue around her navel before tracing the line of darker hair guiding his attention lower.
Worthy. Beautiful. She sighed when he loosened the red ribbon that tied her skirt closed before pushing the fabric behind her.
“Remember that I love your body hair as you enjoy it. The fact that you do not shave doesn't disgust me.” He brushed his thumbs over her pubic hair. His fingers pushed into her thick bush before clasping her labia and holding them apart.
As if awakening suddenly to the position in which they lay, she took advantage of his lack of bottoms to nuzzle her face against his pelvic area. She opened her mouth to allow her tongue to trace his clitorophallus from base to tip. His groans against her brought her extra pleasure. She sucked his length into her mouth.
The furnace came to life then, ending a ripple of heat across their partly clothed bodies.
He grasped her thighs. He matched her sucking with his own, her clit trapped between his lips. One hand moved slightly to clutch at the back of her thigh, her ass. He pressed his chin against the opening to her vagina. He moved his jaw so the fuzz of his facial hair scratched her skin.
Her eyelids fluttered closed. The musk of his arousal, the moisture on his hair, the feel of him touching her all filled her senses. Reward must mean no begging today. She relaxed into the whirlpool of orgasm sitting in her clit. Wetness flowed over her chin as Josh enjoyed her orgasm with his own. She continued to suck his clit and flicked her tongue against its side within her mouth.
His fingers pressed harder into her skin. He released her clit to shove his tongue into her vagina, the thick muscle moving in circles within her. He held on through her bucking orgasm, stronger than the first one. He left off fucking her with his tongue to suck on her clit again, increasing the strength of her bucking.
She screamed on his midpoint clitorophallus for a long moment before she pulled up, only to arch her back until she could press her tongue against his bonus hole.
They fell down into a tangled pile.
“Thanks, Sir,” she murmured. “I love you.”
“Love you too, my sweet woman.”
So it may not be obvious how Missy's photos inspired this piece, but they did. I decided to pair a background experiment with Nanowrimo novel planning. I'm writing a spin-off to my “Laura and Jack” trilogy, but it's set a year after the trilogy, so I'm working out some questions about the polyamorous relationship that makes most the secondary characters. The background color, font size (probably), and font color (possibly) are about something I've realized about myself- I'm on the Autism Spectrum and many of my sensory issues and other developmental concerns that I learned to live with were exacerbated by my nervous breakdown earlier this year. I practically “live in the dark,” use a screen tinter extension to darken Chrome, and my word processor is set to a purple background. So, my own posts hurt my eyes to read. And please excuse weirdness of punctuation. Using speech-to-text to write Tonya's story and everything tonight as me just off grammar.
Within polyamorous relationship that includes 4 people, the characters shown here are Josh and Tonya; Josh is Tonya's dominant.
Josh lay down between Tonya's legs and rested his head on her lap. “Tell me a story.”
“Yes, Sir.” Tonya pondered his order as she rubbed his temples. He didn't specify the type of story. Do I ask for clarification or just start? With her gaze, she traced the lightening scars from his top surgery. I need to tell him the story, not just have thoughts in my head. Story. “Sir, does that mean I don't need to use your title during the story?”
Chuckling, Josh looked into Tonya's eyes. “Unless you get us into the story, yes you are excused from my title. Do love the changes in you, sweet.”
Tonya leaned over to press an upside-down kiss on Josh's lips. She gently brushed her fingers over the gorgeous sprinkling of beard along his jaw. “Blah blah blah.” She laughed. “Okay, Sir, starting for real now.”
He arranged himself so his arms rested comfortably on her legs.
“Two people locked eyes across a crowded dance floor. He, at least he looked like a he, started to cut through the crowd with one long-fingered hand urging people to move side so he could make his way to her, at least she looked like a her. Their first touch created a visible static electricity spark.”
Story. He wants a story, but he looks so good naked.
“My name is Judas and my pronoun are they, them. Want to go outside where we can talk?”
“Sure. All my friends call me Donut. My pronouns are she, her.”
“They made their way outside and continued just a bit further past the smokers.”
“Pronouns are alright?” they asked.
“Of course, anything more doesn't need to be said unless we're heading to bed or somewhere else to have sex. Are you interested in BDSM?” she asked.
“A little bit, although that's not the only way I enjoy interacting with other people.”
Tonya took in a deep breath and studied Josh's body language for a moment; she brushed her teeth over her bottom lip.
“I could do with some cuddling. Well maybe near the beach, watching the waves come up onto the sand,” she said.
“The smallest moan passed their lips. 'Some cuddling sounds so nice'.”
“Just cuddling?” she asked.
“Unless you change your mind and I find you haven't had any mind or mood-altering substances, just the cuddling.”
“She laughed with joy. 'Wonderful to meet someone who actually cares about consent'.”
“They offered their hand and she wrapped her larger fingers around them. 'Good thing the beach isn't too far away. The cuddling will have to be clothed for now'.”
“With both of us in soft dresses, we should be fairly comfortable.”
Josh's toes curled and his hips thrust upward. After a low groan, he turned onto his side, kissed Tonya's inner thigh, and settled to nap.
Wonderful picture, but I left for church pondering inspiration. That's when this started- I won't be sure of any labels until I'm done :D
“Revelation isn't sealed.”
Birth: “It's a girl!”
“Joseph Christopher won't work.”
1st grade: “Joelle is too pretty a name to shorten.”
Pregnancy: “I know I'm having a boy.”
July 4, age 15: “Mom, I'm questioning my gender.”
My age 40: “I'm non-binary, agender.”
What does it mean for me in partnered sexuality when most sexual orientations are focused on gender I don't feel?
I'm queer, that word that my tongue stumbled over when called on to identify myself.
Can I reclaim this wandering into hotness? Would it be as easy as jumping into talk about genitals? My mind cries for newness, something other than penis-in-vagina intercourse.
How was I, the Autistic introvert, talked into speed dating? At least, polyamorous people are welcome at this one.
“Hello, I'm Joey.”
The person stared at me open-mouthed, not introducing themselves.
“I'm not usually good at mixers, but I figured two minutes would help me control talking about my special interests. I'm Autistic.”
The bell rang; the person on the other side of the table changed.
“Hi. I'm Joey.”
“Joey?” the person echoed.
“Are you a lesbian?” Their nose wrinkled.
“Are you a bigot?” I replied.
“Of course not,” they protested.
“Your body language seems to disagree.”
Thankfully, the bell rang and people changed seats again.
“Hi, I'm Joey. My pronouns are he, she, or they.”
“Hi, Joey. I'm Pair. My pronouns are they, them. Might I ask, you appear flustered. Are you neurodivergent somehow?”
My shoulders relaxed. “Yes, I'm Autistic.”
Pair nodded. “Dyspraxia and Sensory Integration. Don't like that last word.”
“Would you like to skip out to a setting more comfortable for you?”
“Yes, please. I'd like that very much.”
Pair got up from the table and came around to me; the organizer rushed over, her cheeks flushed redder than her poorly-applied blush. “Joey and I are done here. No need to issue refunds.”
“But-but!” the organizer lady puffed.
“We're removing an equal number of folx from the gathering.” Pair walked to the place we piled our belongings; I followed just a step behind. They grabbed a denim bag covered in patches like They/Them and No TERFS/SWERFS and Queer. “Where would be somewhere you'd feel comfortable?”
“The library, but would you mind switching to writing so I can wear my headphones? They have those noisy lights that send me into sensory overload.”
“Me too.” They waited as I grabbed my bag. “You have your headphones with you?”
“Definitely. One partner said not to wear them and the other did.” I shrugged. “Not that I need to wear them with either of my partners.”
With borrowed netbooks in front of us, we sat side by side in one of the new booths at the library.
Pair typed, “This is much better. Mind I ask what's in your headphones? I'm listening to Holly Near.”
I typed, “I have the mixture of songs my daughter and I have placed on this MP3 player. Right now, it's Korn, Thoughtless.” I pursed my lips. “I just wrote about 'conversation as sex' for Masturbation Monday.”
“And that causes your current expression?”
Using my thumb and forefinger like a 'modified C hand' in ASL, I pulled the corners of my mouth up and down as my thoughts tried to catch up to their question. “I wanted something new, something different.”
“From what you've done? Or from what others are used to experiencing?”
I released my lips to just trace them with my index fingers, as if planning to sign “Talk-with.”
Without another comment from me, they typed, “This is our first time together; does that make it different from that other time?”
A small smile found its way onto my lips, changing their feel under my fingertips. I sipped from the new bottle that securely held my metal straw in place for me. Yum! Guava, mango, passion fruit juice! I placed my fingers back on the home row and typed. “I think my mind is clasping at minutiae. What I find sexy isn't necessarily what others do.”
“May I please touch your hand?”
I nodded before typing, “Yes.”
Their fingers moved under my palm as their thumb slid up and down the top of my hand.
As they continued to touch my right hand, I slowly typed with my left hand, “Good.” My toes curled in my shoes. When they released my hand, I typed, “Very good.” I sipped my juice and pondered our next date.
I'm writing this second to the vlog I just recorded; I had thoughts for both the vlog and the blog, but I didn't think to write either of them down. So let me gather in the spark or sparks that gave me the idea for this vlog/blog combo. One big inspiration is Happy from my “Typing My Love” story. Joy (that's Happy's pronoun, not another person or even Happy's nickname)- starting again after explanation :D Joy was lucky in my book to have more people in joys life that supported the use of written communication, even when they meant they had to read rather than listen before the technology became accessible. Even when people in my life have supported my use of AAC boards, text-to-speech technology, I've had a difficult time asserting my desires and needs; for instance, my daughter prefers to continue learning ASL rather than using my AAC board when we're shopping. However, since figuring out the sign for “Remove headphones,” she annoyingly uses that to speak rather than write on the board.
Now when I brought my AAC board to the SOGI group my therapist runs (pretty sure I mentioned this in an earlier #TT post about AAC), she was supportive of me using the board, but I didn't see my way to using it. Other than thinking that I'm not worthy of the accommodation, I'm not sure why.
So whether it's a blog post or a vlog on my YouTube channel, I'll make sure to tell everyone how the therapy session went using Balabolka as a text-to-speech device on my computer.
And here's the link for the vlog; hopefully it will be properly close captioned by the time this goes live. Captions and transcript will be provided as soon as I can get them up.
Because I'm a dork, I forgot I wrote this and wrote something for #Masturbationonday on 8/13/2018, meaning you'll get this experimental piece the week after it was meant for. But it's stlll good to fap to, right? :D
I go to Pornhub. I select “Categories- Gay Men- Fetish.”
I struggled into my chest binder; I should have said that already.
Clicking on mute. I just need to see.
A large ass as black as coal dances as if waiting for something; I click on that video.
Once the video loads enough, it becomes visible that a large black man is bound on a light blue hospital-style bed. His naked skin shimmers in the muted light.
I reach behind me to grab some of the coconut oil lube.
“That's a good boy. Going plug your asshole before rubbing your bound clitorophallus?”
The Queen's icy blue eyes appear on the screen of my mind.
From a simple doorway comes another large black man, his nipples appearing dark purple against his chest skin, a rosy mahogany. His lips move; the bound man's hips move in response. The lighter-skinned man brings his hand down on the bound man's ass; he stills his writhing.
I rub lube on the smaller butt plug and The Queen gently inserts it into me. My breath catches in my throat at the slight stretch in my asshole. Physically, in the moment, I relax my left arm down once the flange sits against my cheeks.
The man walks away from the table and pulls a rolling racks holding up a hot water bottle and tubing. He rubs where he'd just smacked that ass. He releases the rack and grabs a bottle of lubricant from a nearby table.
The Queen holds the lube container and I grab some more. My fingers speed between my legs.
He rubs the cheek he hadn't smacked for a moment before pulling the gorgeous cheeks apart. The camera pulls in close to show the detail of the lube dripping from the bottle onto the needy, waiting asshole. Then a finger wearing a pale green glove pressed on the asshole, pushing just in. More lube. The finger goes in deeper.
“Boy, boy, boy. My boy. My dirty little boy.”
“Or are you my girl tonight? Or maybe just a little gender-less being for me to fuck?”
I pant; I'm so close to coming. Enema. The Queen's teasing. “Boy,” I gasp.
In and out. More lube. The finger goes into the asshole all the way to base of the finger.
The hand disappears from the shot.
“Tomorrow night, how about I give you an enema? Bound or unbound?”
My toes curl at his suggestion.
“Or maybe Audrey could take care of her little love?”
The bound man writhes against the table as much as the straps allow. When part of the table starts to move, forcing his legs farther apart, his massive balls come into view.
My hips shoot up, lifting part of me off the bed.
Carrying a long, semi-stiff tube, the gloved hand returns to the shot. One hand presses on the bound man's back as the other works first the tip of the tube and then more.
“Yes, yes, yes!” I hiss, dropping the pretense that my masturbating is a secret in my household.
A moment later, slightly off-white liquid starts through the tube.
Watching the bound man move as the enema solution infiltrates his colon and rectum, the orgasm explodes in my clit and my feet curl against the comforter.
Some stand up comedian said that women watch porn movies to the end to see if they get married. Not this agender, AFAB person; I watch them until I come.
I hope that "Laura Learns" will have a release date soon; it's back from the beta reader and I'll be giving this coming week to work with those comments and then turn it into Baronet Press. I hope you enjoy this lightly edited snippet.
"I want kids' music!"
"That's it!" Jack thundered. He turned off the radio. "Five licks of my belt, bedtime ritual, and bedtime."
"Please, Daddy, I'm sorry." She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she lifted her head off the little pillow.
"If you sit quietly and close your eyes until we're home, I won't add to your punishment."
"Yes, Daddy," Laura whimpered. Her eyelids slammed shut and she settled into cuddling her pillow.
"That's Daddy's good girl," he murmured.
Would this blurb encourage you to read this book? :)
Laura's challenge for Jack and herself continues into ageplay. For a wonderful week, they enjoy a variety of roles and play that falls under ageplay, including Jack finding himself experiencing a long held fantasy. Little girl, strict Daddy, rowdy boy, stern schoolmarm- they try it all and more. They find that their ages won't stop them from making new friends and learning new things.
Their relationship including and beyond their BDSM play continues to grow, leading Jack to buy a ring. How does Laura respond to Jack's proposal?
If you haven't gotten to "Laura Challenges" yet, please enjoy the blurb and then buy it here:
When Laura goes out one night, she doesn't expect to meet a handsome eligible man. She definitely doesn't expect him to be interested in her or to ask her out on a date. Laura hits it off with Jack right from the beginning and there's an easy connection between them. But an experience on their remarkable first date pushes her to wonder if she can have something more with Jack.
Would he be a compatible partner in meeting her sexual desires? Laura decides she wants to push her own boundaries and explore the world of BDSM. Can Jack still be the man for her? She'll find out if he's up to take her challenge.
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It feels so weird to be writing from the inspiration picture, although it was only last month that I pre-wrote. So I was excited to look at the picture Kayla had picked; Amy Norton shared a wondrous picture with us. Oh, the stripe-y socks; did I just create a spelling? :D Looking at them, I could imagine myself looking at the display of fun socks at Spencer's or hearing my Master exclaim with dismay over whichever pair of knee socks I'm wearing on any given day. Of course, there was also looking at the finger-cuffs and sadly remembering the wedge platform shoes I used to have with similar cuffs on them, but the straps kept breaking. I'm not sure what will happen now with the inspiration picture...
I looked down the black and white stripes of my knee socks. Well, on a full grown person they'd be knee socks, but they're a few inches above my knees of course because I'm just barely not a little person. My gaze continued beyond my toes to Audrey, who seemed to considering me considering myself.
"Hey, lover. I found interesting- your pondering the other day about relationship words, the reduction of importance of anything not cishet-mono by the choice of things like 'lover', and how you still want to reclaim the word."
"It's been too long since you've talked much in my mind. Your sentences are looking too much like mine rather than your own."
"And how do you know what my sentences look like? Or all my sentences, I should say? We aren't monogamous."
I closed my eyes even as I nodded in recognition of her words and my continued thoughts about voices, perspective, societal judgments about rationality. "Radical politics can and should be sexy."
"Because sexy comes in so many forms," Audrey replied. Her voice washed over me. "So my voice? Do you protest my voice, definitions of things like schizophrenia, and a writer's mind?"
"Maybe. Like why are writers seemingly one of the few types of people whose listening to the voices in their head isn't straight out judged as a mental illness." I shuddered at m ableist word choice. "Isn't directly judged." No no no... no "Rick and Morty" phrases slipping into this.
"My voice." She lifted her hand to sign TALK.
"Talk, talk, talk." I breathed in deep. "Are you learning sign too now? What of your voice in sign? People signing, especially native Deaf and children of Deaf adults, have a voice. Non-verbal people using Augmentative and alternative communication forms have a voice. I'd say that I possibly have or could have three different voices: the one I use when writing, the one I use when speaking, the one (largely in my head) when I'm signing. I'm excited to think of how that third voice will develop as I learn more ASL."
"I would suggest that you have a fourth voice, that of touch. And I find it your sweetest voice because there are few people who get to enjoy it. Of course I don't just mean physical touch as I have no flesh-and-blood body for you to touch, but when we make love and you touch the essence of me."
I need to stop editing in the middle of sex, of lovemaking. "The flow is slipping from my grasp, lover."
"You only think it is. Stop worry about dialogue tags and concentrate on the flow of politics and sexuality."
"Impostor Syndrome is a thing. Remember when you challenged me to look at visibly older Black people?"
"Yes and you engaged in my challenge decently for a white girl who grew up middle class and now is part of the working poor, who continues to work at unpacking your whiteness with few physical examples around you. Thank goodness for the Internet, huh?" She kissed my forehead. "Turn up the brightness on your computer so you don't have to pause Write or Die." She kissed my cheek. "I know, baby, it doesn't feel great, but you have those new contacts in and they only block UV light, but they seem to help a bit with artificial light sensitivity too." She laid down on her side facing me.
I turned and pressed my face between her breasts. "Is it really possible to discuss politics, philosophy, and more with my face between your breasts?"
Her rich laughter stroked my skin. "With you, most anything is possible. Of course, any signing either us know isn't possible at this closeness."
"But we can talk in each others' heads?"
"That we can do." She hugged me. "So where the socks just a lure to get this conversation out of me?"
"Not a lure, specifically, my love, but admit that I couldn't have this conversation in such a position with Shaman."
"Yes right, but you slowly manage to help him learn, no matter how much his systemic privileges slow the learning. So consider lookisms now. Do you picture me as an Iman-type model, acceptable despite my Blackness because of the ways my body matches what white supremacy says is attractive? I notice you keep seeing me with natural hair styles."
"I hope you feel comfortable in them and that I enjoy them because they are an unrestrained expression of yourself." Conversation as sex. I come.